The Dolphins Make Me Cry.com - Forums

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, since CF had a minor dust up with some people and basically said "how come you aren't such dicks to me when I see you in real life?"  CF's question was very valid and has had me wondering for a long time.

How does your on line persona differ from your real life persona?

I think it's a mistake to say something like "they wouldn't be able to argue as well, all they do is research their point and spew out facts that they just dug up."  Research doesn't make someone less able to make a point, it just helps to drive one in.

One thing about words on a computer screen is that you can't tell intent or tone of voice.  I've been called a lot of things on this site and those things generally go in one ear and out the other.  The reason?  The person that I am here is that the person I am in real life.  I treat people in real life the same way I do here, I say the same things.  It doesn't come off as abrasive in real life because it's not. I don't have a shortage of friends from all stages of life: school, college, military, jobs. 

So the rub.  Does everything that could be taken as abrasive get hit with the obligatory "I'm kidding but not really" smiley face?  Does everything get smacked with the "I don't mean to offend you, but..." label?  Or do I just say what is on my mind, know within me what my tone is and that I can't change how things on a computer screen will be perceived and hope that the body of work outweighs the abrasive?

Well, I think you all know the answer to the question as far as dealings with me go.  It's pretty simple - strong willed and opinionated people are going to rub people the wrong way sometimes.  I have no doubt that the majority of you that I have had dustups with are nice people and you've befallen the same dilemma that I have.  Be yourself and risk occasionally rubbing people the wrong way or hide behind your computer and be someone from the safety of your den or office that you would never be in real life.

Back to the original point, CF's question made me wonder.  A comment from 'Lil B tossed some fuel on to that fire.  I'll explain:

I joined this site in, I think, 2003.  Somewhere around early 2005 Dave asked a handful of us to become moderators; CF and Philly in the Fins talk, Snoop Strokey Stroke in the Around the NFL, Jtex in the Anti-Fins, me in the other sports and B in the 'other things.'

So not to pick on Lil B, but this comment came out today from him:
"This coming from the person that I get the most complaints about the off board topics...."

Lil B has been a moderator for over three years, if my timeline is correct, in this forum.  According to him there are more complaints in this thread about me than any other person.  Never one time has one of those complaints been brought up to me.  By anyone.  Not once.  Not by Lil B, not by Brian or Fau or Philly or Dave.  I think I am making my point here.

People complain in my forum and I address it.  My forum by design isn't built to have the same passion filled discussions, but there have been some.  I get a complaint and the person it was lodged against gets this reply from me.  Some of you have gotten this from me.

"Do me a favor and PM him and address your concerns.  If you don't get the answer you need, let me know and I'll talk to them."

I don't sit back and let 'x' amount of years of complaints mount up and then toss them into someone's face in a moment of frustration.  So where I am going with this is simply this:  If this is true there are a bunch of people that aren't who they portray on line.  Again, not to pick on Lil B, but that makes wonder what would cause someone to sit on something like that for three years?  Maybe it's true.  Maybe it's not.  It's equally disconcerning.  Three years of complaints and not one brought to my attention?

I know that people feel a certain safety saying whatever it is that they want to say from the anonymity of being behind a computer.  The fact of the matter is this - what I say on line is exactly what I would say to any of you face to face.  I would also do so without any fear of repercussion.  My life experience has told me that I am a pretty darn good guy.  People like me.  Not everyone and that's okay.  That's just life.  Not once have I been accused in real life of talking down to someone, being "smarter" than anyone else, being abrasive - and yet, here, that happens.  That's life as well and that's okay.  Again, having a strong opinion about something runs the risk of someone accusing you of "being better than everyone else." 

My ramble has a point.  I wonder how many of you in real life would say some of the things that you have said to other people in here?  Not just me, I've seen some pretty mean and vulgar exchanges going on.  People here talk about a "great community" out of one corner of their mouth and practice something different in the other.  I challenge people to this:  next time you are typing something imagine that person sitting across from you and you're saying it in person versus hiding behind a computer.  Don't allow your personal insecurities to cloud an issue and make something there that isn't.  If I had a nickle for every time Lil B called himself a "dumb redneck" I would have a nice pile of change.  For whatever reason that particular insecurity makes him feel as though he's being spoken down to by me.  Not true and, honestly, it really bothers me that he feels that way.  Who wants to be referred to in the way he referred to me?  I don't.

"Be who you are, everyone else is taken."

Am I perfect?  Hell no.  I've also apologized I don't know how many times for getting hot under the collar.  I have done that out in the open forum and I have done it through PM.  I am not perfect - but I am real.  I'm not hiding, this is who I am.  What you read is what you get.  Contrary to what  was written about me earlier I actually back down and admit when I'm wrong a lot.  I guess I can't win.  I'm bullheaded, "smarter than everyone else" and abrasive swhile sticking to my guns and "change positions" when I look at something in a different view point and admit I might be wrong on the topic at hand.  I also am man enough to admit when something stings and there were things today the stung.

Who I am here, on this website, is who I am in real life.  I have to be doing something right in real life judging by the amount of true friends that I have, the feedback I receive from co-workers, etc.  So try talking to people the way you would in real life.  When you are reading a response from a person try to take that response with a grain of salt and give the person the benefit of the doubt that they are not trying to get under your skin, they are trying to make a point.  In other words speak to people the way you don't mind being spoken to.  Otherwise this 'community' is a farce. 

I have to say that I used to try to argue with people and get them to come around to "my" point of view.  I have found this to be a pointless venture, because it isn't going to happen.  Now, if I feel myself getting angry over something someone else posted, I just walk away.  If I feel I have to post something, it's one and done and I stay off that thread.  Moderators don't have the luxury of just skipping something if it's in their forum, but the rest of us do.  Sometimes you have to take a break from things if they cease to be fun.

It seems you have TOTALLY missed the entire point,of my comment...You're the one that complains about others posts.....of the 12 -15 complaints I've gotten about threads need to be locked they are from you complaining that they need to be locked.....

I was Trying to give a suttle nudge to some people,about starting threads,that might be misleading or turn into raging religious,or political debates.(that seem to exclude many people on the board,who would rather not comment on the thread) You took it as I was trying to argue with something you said in the thread...It didn't matter...I wanted to use a thread that wasn't locked,and wasn't too bad,but was going off to different subjects that didn't have anything to do with the original question.....

I want to you to point out where I said ...Maine you're derailing the "should Porn be banned thread" I didn't...Yet you went back an deleted your posts,and modified them.....Then Attacked me for "not reading the thread" ..You were accusing me of something that I've not done....

I think you forgot a figure of speech when I said ...You've got people talking about slavery,and weight loss" ...Remember that figure of speech..Like someone says " You've got Murders running free in the streets" Did I say You were Running around Murdering People in the streets No....

The reasons Why I call myself the Dumb Redneck is my own reasons...and none of your business....

So I don't derail the poor Maine thread,and answer the question.....
I'm a hermit,and So I'm much more social on the board than I am in real life...But I 'm also pretty blunt,and pretty much say it as I see it.....

Dude - look at it as a "poor Maine" thread all you want.  It's not - but how you perceive it is all on you.  It's an honest question - are people on line who they are in real life?  I question that.

The threads I toss your way are ones that have gotten very bad with personal attacks - and you know that.  I'll stop tossing them your way, no sweat.  I've never tossed a good natured thread your way that has just gotten of course, just ones where people are really starting to attack each other.

And I really don't care if you are a dumb redneck or a NASA scientist, honestly.  Those self observations, however, make you see things that simply aren't there.

Well said Maine, well said.  I'm exactly the same as you.  What I say on this site is the same as me in real life. 

Granted, I might say stuff that people disagree with, but a good discussion can be had without the need for personal attacks and name calling. 

Don't attack me, and I won't attack you.  Period and end of discussion.

 



Absolutely.  And I think I've proved that here as well.

I know for a fact half the shit said about my Job would NEVER be said to an officer in real life or to my face. Thats pathetic.  I really Try never to say anything I wouldn't say to your face in real life. 

[hijack]
I know a redneck NASA Engineer.  Is that the same thing?   ;D
[/hijack]

I believe some people are the same or at least very close but many people do become something are not.  I think Tommy is pretty similar to what he portrays as I have been around him a few times and he doesn't seem any different.  I do question a lot of the people who call him out though ... Lil B not being one.  I don't think B has ever given the impression he is something he is not.  In fact, he usually tries to downplay what he is.  

I don't think they are the only "real" personalities in here but I can say that I think the "brutal honesty" from a lot of others would not be as direct in person.  In fact ... I'm betting it wouldn't be or else several people on this site, as well as other sites, would not have very many teeth.  Of course seeing as how I haven't met everyone I don't really know that they do!  ;D  As a whole ... forums create an environment for rudeness and uncalled for honesty that does not exist in the real world.  

Tommy, you're so full of crap it makes me want to puke.

You initiate personal attacks all the time!

Oh give me a fucking break, Dave.  You're telling me that I'm initiating personal attacks all the time when you're posting crap like what you just said?  I don't usually INITIATE personal attacks.  Rather I tend to respond to the ones like this one you just posted with a bigger attack. 

And don't start with the "it's my site" crap either.  That shit doesn't fly with me. 

I want to be very clear that my post isn't an anti-Lil B rant at all.  He just happened to be in the blast zone today and I used him as an example (on something it looks like I misunderstood to boot).  B and I are friends, at least I consider him to be one anyway.

I'm not pointing this at anyone in particular.  I just think some of the rudeness wouldn't happen if people really knew each other.  We fashion ourselves as tight knit, so we should start acting like we do know each other.

Are attacks on our intelligence considered the same as personal attacks?   ;)

Tommy, I don't think you know what a personal attack is.  That's the problem.

I think you're probably the WORST on the entire board when it comes to personal attacks (like calling them a homo or something unrelated to the topic).  Seriously, if I had to rank every member on the site and how often they resort to name calling, you'd be at the top of the list.  #1.

What spawned me saying that most recently is this quote:


Telling someone that they're full of it for something they said isn't a personal attack.  Don't you find it a bit humorous that you have the quote above and the one about how you don't personal attack unless attacked first within the same hour?

I think it smacks of true cowardice when you talk about kicking someone's ass or trying to intimidate by bragging about how big, strong, tough you are in the middle of a thread, knowing that you will never face said person in real life.
As far as not saying things to people in real life, while it may be true for many people, there are some of us who have said what and how we feel about certain career fields and the good and bad things about them.

You know what the difference is?   The guy I made that personal attack to is a troll.  The guy I called a homo is also a troll.  They come onto this site and immediately stir the pot by bashing the Dolphins.  As a result, they get attacked by EVERYONE.

As long as you realize that everything you think and say is wrong, no.
:)

Nuttin' but love for ya, Run!

I was just using Tommy and Lil B as two examples.  I wasn't actually referring to anything in particular.  It's just coincidental you two had debates on the same day.

can't we all just get along?

Apparently not

You don't get it.  It doesn't matter if you consider them a "troll" - we are not here to scare people away.

Anyway, back on topic - you'd have to ask the others who know me really well personally, but I like to think that my online persona is exactly the same as I am in real life.  I would love if people would chime in and let me know if this is true.

I don't know you that well in real life, but from what I gather, yeah it's true.
Likewise for Dave.  I get a kick out of most of his posts because he has said more shocking things in real life...I think he takes it easy on here.

As for myself, I have never really been one to edit what I say here or otherwise.  I would disagree with your political/religious P.O.V in real life...even if you can bench press a buick.

I am, without a doubt, the exact same person on the board as I am in real life. I'm a complete and total smartass who will crack a joke at anyone's expense. I'm also a little condescending at times, but in both arenas, I am trying to ease up on that. I get frustrated with overly (or perpetually) cynical people in the real world just as quickly as I do up here.

i'm totally different in real life than i am on the board

here i'm sarcastic, caustic, and a needler

in real life i'm totally not any of that

Maybe you should edit your statement to read:

"Will not personal attacked unless first attacked, or if I deem you a troll."

Granted I don't know you intimately but you seem to come off the same way during the occassions I have been with you.  You drive a heck of a lot worse than I would have imagined but other than that ... you seem to represent yourself pretty similar in both worlds.  ;)  :)



Ouch!!

Come on, Bri doesn't drive badly

I actually think she meant that as a compliment.  If she had issue with you - your physical stature wouldn't intimidate her into not being able to be honest with you.

I'm not so argumentative here, or as willing to stick up for my point of view here, as I am in real life.  I keep my language here clean, and I don't personally attack anyone. It's not that I do those things in real life, but with my buddies, I'll talk some shit, they'll talk some shit, and if we argue about different points of view, I'll jokingly call them a something-something, and they'll give it back. So generally speaking, I am a little more conservative, or quiet here, than I would be if we were all hanging out.
The reason being, I don't know any of you. So of course I'm going to be a respectful, or patient with all of you for that reason.

I only saw him drive once, and once was enough!  I don't know about driving poorly, but too fast, I think.   :o

We went to pick Philly and his nephew up at the airport and I was in the floorboard ... had me scared to death!!! He was a little better after that as he wasn't pressed for time.  My knees still shake at the memory!!  :o   :D

Exactly.  Good looking out, Maine.  :)

Oh, COME ON!  It wasn't THAT bad.  I think it had a lot to do with lateness.  I get very aggressive when I'm late.  I try to make up for lost time by driving faster.

That much is true. But hey, we got to Cold Stone

and if I drove the speed limit, we'd have gotten there just in time to see them hang the "Closed" sign on the door.  You're welcome. ;)

I have to agree with this...I tend to drive reeeeeally fast when I'm running late.


I had my first-ever visit to Cold Stone this weekend (got the Cheesecake Fantasy) and can agree that getting to that deliciousness seems like a sensible reason to haul a little ass.

I haven't been to this board in a few weeks, main reason. I don't feel any actual sports talk is happening in the sports forums. I go to forums, not to push all my viewpoints down other people's throats, but to learn things I wouldn't have from say ESPN. People are too busy bickering at each other to get any real info across. I guess maybe a lot of people have run their course here (including me) that have changed what this site used to bring to the table. Too much EGO, not enough INFO. It happens at every message-board, I have been too. The Marlins board did the same thing.

You guys are all cool guys, sorry to seem like a prick for bringing this up.

But this is a board that is designated for non sport stuff.

Ok thanks ... then it doesn't hurt as much!  :D


I was just kidding ... I'm no longer afraid to think about it.  The therapy has finally paid off!  ;)

I am pretty much the same guy wherever you find me.I am more reserved on this board than in real life because the printed word is more easily mistaken for what it is not when one cannot hear the way a thought is spoken.I tend to have a sick and sarcastic sense of humor which is sometimes mistaken for bitterness or hate when written down.I do not take myself or everyday life too seriously because most of the day to day stuff we do is so much tedium and red tape.

Binebag, have you tried to initiate anything recently in the sports boards? If you throw something out ther, people will bite.

I don't think I'm the same in computer vs. real life, but I don't think I should be.

I'm different at home vs. at school vs. at work vs. around kids, etc.

This is a message board meant for discussion.  Part of the benefit is that you are free to talk how you really feel with certain protections.  I wouldn't talk about Jesus to strangers at a bar, but I wouldn't talk to them about what I ate for lunch either.  I don't think it's required that you exercise the same cautions online.  It's a different medium.

At the same token, I understand other people's views are online, as well.

You can bring up Jesus on here...whatever.  But if some geek off the street came up to me and started chatting about Jesus, I'd tell him to get the hell away from me.

I have a general respect for the people around me, but situation dictates some of that.

I think I'm pretty similar in real life and behind a computer.   I tend to be honest and speak my mind, and I tend to make fun of those that act like fools whether they're in front of me or in cyberspace.  I'm also quite at ease discussing almost anything with total strangers. 

I can also come off as someone who talks down to people when making an argument in real life, something I've been nailed for on this board, too.  It's usually unintentional...

I try to think "would I say this if I were standing in front of this person in front of mixed company?" before clicking on the "Post" button.

For me personally, i am a bit on the shy side. I'm not much of a talker, i write more then i talk so that should be a clear indication that i am sort of different in real life than on the board. (nobody better make fun of me for this) I  stutter from time to time, I don't have a severe case of it, but it's there. I guess for the past few years it has kind of made be drawn away from doing things i have wanted to do and kept me isolated from life, like for instance the places i would want to go. So i guess my stuttering has been more crippling to my life then i thought.

But everything that i believe, think or post on this board, is what i really belief, or  think n real life. I probably wouldn't get into a argument with anyone on this board in person with any of the things that i have talked about on this board. Just because i don't see the sense in it. 

I don't intend on acting like i know everything, I'm not the smartest person, but i know what i have said on this board is what i believe to be true, and if people like to argue with me about the "Bush not the worst president" comment, or "Carter worst then Bush" comment, well then i don't care, like i said, i know what i say is what i believe to be true, so that's all i care about. I don't care if you make fun of my grammar or spelling, I'm not here to showcase my spelling or grammar (if i was i would pay more attention to how i write rather then the message i am trying to get out), i am here because i like the dolphins, that's it. i will never make fun of a person for their grammar or spelling, because if i know what they are saying, then that's all i care about. I don't need to nitpick at everything, like some on this board do.

I make mistakes, but who hasn't. Like Maine said, if i perfect? no way, but I am real.

Or how about "Will not personal attack unless first attacked, or if TDMMC deems you a troll and you get attacked by ALL members"

Don't call me personally on something everyone is doing.

Sure.  But I'm quite sure it was you calling someone ignorant that instigated the pointing out of your bad grammar. 

Everyone isn't kissing their own ass about not doing it, either.