The Dolphins Make Me Cry.com - Forums

It's back folks - the annual shit-parade on the Miami Dolphins!

As the 2007 season proved - ANYTHING is possible, including going 0-15-1 in a season (I refuse to give them that cheap lucky win vs. Baltimore in overtime where Brian Billick calls 3 stupid plays from the 1-yard line in the last seconds of the 4th quarter which would have made the Dolphins 0-14 and finishing at 0-16 like the shit Lions).

Week 1: @ Buffalo
Result: LOSS
Don't sleep on the Bills - whomever their QB and their WR now are will hurt the fish badly in week 1. Chad Henne is knocked out early with an "eye" issue.

Week 2: @ Minnesota
Result: LOSS
It will be at about this time where Dolphins fans will start bitching about a tough schedule and how they played 2 games on the road consecutively and how that's to blame for their shitty 0-2 start. Instead, the reality of the situation is that Brett Favre will un-retire the day before this game and throw for 500 yards and 5 TDs in a complete rout.

Week 3: vs. New York Jets
Result: LOSS
Darrelle Revis will end his holdout on gameday and come in to set an NFL record with 5 INT in one game, 3 of which returned for TDs.

Week 4: vs. New England
Result: LOSS
Don't worry kid...they're going to crush 'em.

Week 5: BYE
After getting smacked around for four straight weeks, this BYE week comes at a perfect time.

Week 6: @ Green Bay
Result: LOSS
Aaron Rodgers lights up the Miami secondary to make the fish 0-5 on the year.

Week 7: vs. Pittsburgh
Result: LOSS
No Big Ben? No Problem! Their 2nd-tier scrubs are better than the Dolphins starters anyways.

Week 8: @ Cincinnati
Result: LOSS
Batman & Robin will clean up Gotham City and rid the community of the evil Joker - and beat the Dolphins, too.

Week 9: @ Baltimore
Result: LOSS
This team is for real - and Ray Lewis still hasn't seen anything.

Week 10: vs. Tennessee
Result: LOSS
Chris Johnson might get 2,000 yards in this game alone. 0-9 won't get you far in this league.

Week 11: vs. Bears
Result: LOSS
This game is on a Thursday night, which means the Dolphins will be on a four-day rest period. So will the Bears, but the fish still lose this one.

Week 12: @ Oakland
Result: LOSS
Jason Campbell will really remind Al Davis of Jim Plunkett in this contest.

Week 13: vs. Cleveland
Result: LOSS
Josh Cribbs sets the NFL record for most all-purpose yards in a game with his awesome kick-return and punt-return stats, beating Chris Johnson's earlier mark of 2,000 rushing yards in a game, which will have been set in week 10.

Week 14: @ New York Jets
Result: LOSS
Rex Ryan will not think that he's in the playoff hunt, but the Jets players will beat the fins anyways because they don't want to be "that team" that loses to the 0-12 team.

Week 15: vs. Buffalo
Result: LOSS
By Week 15, the Bills roster will have been completely turned over once again. The Dolphins will actually be close (possibly winning) in this game, only for things to go miserably wrong at the very end to drop them to 0-14.

Week 16: vs. Detriot
Result: LOSS
Matthew Stafford FINALLY plays a great game and lights up the Dolphins to hand the fish their penultimate loss of the season.

Week 17: @ New England
Result: LOSS
The Pats will have clinched the division and will not have a reason to play this game - but because Bill Belichick is the coach, he'll send out Brady and Moss and drop 40 on the Dolphins by halftime. Then, he'll open the 2nd half with an onside kick, which the Pats will recover, and then run the 2-minute offense for the rest of the game because as coach Belichick once said: "The game isn't over until the play clock says 00:00", while looking at the dumb-ass reporter completely seriously after being asked why run plays with 5 Wide Receivers late in the 4th quarter up 54-7.

Sorry Dolphins fans - it's just not your year.

Translation:  Reality isn't Joe's favorite neighborhood to drive around in.


When you turn the wrong direction when leaving the driveway, you're bound to get lost...



Reality can't even be located with GPS from Joe's current position on the map.


Cleveland has a football team?



These two are the equivalent of taking a wrong turn and then driving off a cliff...

I could actually see this happening.  At least the part about Belichick actually being dumbfounded why anyone would ask the question why are you running plays with 5 WR's in the 4th up 54-7?  He'd probably walk off the field without shaking the opponents hand too.

Sucks that we don't play the Giants this year.  I know that would be at least one victory to count on.

LMAO! Nice post J-tex.

I have them beating Cleveland in Week 13, to finish 1-15, but hopefully they find a way to lose that game.  ;)

The great thing about rebuttals like this is that not only are they irrelevant (if I were a St. Louis Rams fan, would you wish that the Dolphins would play them, too?), the Dolphins would be lucky to beat anyone, period, let alone the NY Giants.

And oh - we did play the Dolphins, and we won that game and went on to the Super Bowl to win that game, too. That's also the year that the Dolphins went 1-15.

The great thing about threads like this is that not only are they based in fantasy, but they are so formulaic that you don't really have to read all the way through to know how it ends.

Miami finishes the season with a winning record...far, far away from your 0-16 angst-dream.

Miami also finishes with a better record than the Giants (and Broncos) this season...though that probably isn't saying much.

Isn't your best player in prison after shooting himself in the leg?  Yep, things are looking up for you guys.  I am thinking you may be getting a gift certificate for therapy sessions this Christmas after the season you are looking at.  Perhaps it would be better to just settle down and realize that your retarded chipmonk looking QB got really lucky one year and it will never happen again.

Sorry, had to lower my standards for a moment in the interest of good fun.

Am I the only one that pictures jtex as a little angry leprechaun just pounding on his keyboard with his little leprechaun fingers until his little heart can't take it anymore and he has to hit the submit button?

So the truth comes out...you're Joe's next door neighbor.

Personally I'm disappointed in jtex in the fact it looks like he didn't put much time into this year's 0-16. His past year's seemed to have much more angst in them!

Unrequited angst has very little staying power...

After 1 game Jtex already lost his dream of Miami going 0-16!!!!!  ;D

This thread not lock yet ??? ???

^^^^ well there wasn't really a reason to.

But I still think the Dolphins have a decent shot at proving Jtex half right or better. (8-8)

You may have seen on TV that the Patriots all huddle together at the end of the third quarter.  According to Brady the message BB gave his team with the score 31-3.  "I don't give a fuck what the scoreboard says. We play for 60 mins."

Wouldn't surprise me a bit.  Brady and Belicheck are basically a match made in heaven.

They are.  Today first question Brady got a presser was a long winded question regarding the MVP race and how more people are starting to predict him to win, etc. 

His response..."The Bears are an outstanding football team..."  Then speaks at length about how good the Bears defense is, completely ignoring the MVP question.   

Brady and the patriots are showing themselves to be the class of the AFC even if it took awhile for people to realize it. 

If he doesn't win the MVP I'd love to know exactly who does.