The Dolphins Make Me Cry.com - Forums

A lot has happened in the last two years.  Crapchester to Raleigh and back, enough whiskey to fill Lake Ontario, then I stopped altogether, the whole Jesus thing after I gave God the finger in October.  And the search for work continues.  Your questions, to be answered starting sometime 6/16.

I'm curious about the story behind what made you turn back to religion.

Ha.  Most of you will probably laugh at this.

It was however a combination of things.  It's probably worth noting how it started about 4 years ago.  Martin Luther King weekend 2009 I began having a nasty case of sciatica and couldn't sit still.  The only thing that took the pain away besides pain killers was alcohol.  I started flipping beers in the parking lot before work.  A couple turned into six, six turned into a few shots of Jack, a few shots turned into buy the bottle at 1pm, go to work at 2, finish the bottle on the way home at 11.  Well the pain went away but I didn't stop drinking.  Plus my step-father's death had finally sunk in after two years (another long story I won't get into here except to say it added to the depression).  Eventually the drinking cost me my job because of a fight I had with another employee outside of work. 

I found another job, but kept drinking.  It started taking a huge toll on my relationship with my wife and she'd been drinking a lot too.  We'd always been social drinkers but now it was multiplying.  I got a new job and switched from part time to full time which eased everything for awhile, but in 2010, I found myself so angry/depressed I'm not sure which, that I couldn't even drive myself to work much less motivate myself to get out of the car and go in.  Needless to say I lost that job.  We moved to Raleigh and everything should have been different.  I had a decent if unstable job lined up in sales and my wife would be able to pass the bar in two states.  Plus I'd have my own business with my cousin who would help us get a building and the financing as well as he has more automotive connections than I do.  Everything went to shit in a matter of months for reasons I won't go into, and by January 2011 we were back in Rochester (thankfully I own the house my grandparents left me) with no money, nothing. 

I was going on job interviews at least two or three times a month, nobody wanted to hire me.  I kept drinking, my wife started slowing down a bit with it.  Then last year during the Arizona Miami game I completely lost it.  I told God to go fuck himself, I was tired of his "plan" (I was raised about as Catholic as one can be) because it meant me being broke and us not having any money to so much as go out with as we were barely able to buy groceries after the bills were paid. 

I was still bombed on a routine basis.  I was putting down a liter of whiskey a day and running up our credit cards.   She said if you don't want to go back to church (like she did, she's pretty big on being catholic) that's fine but something has to change around here or we won't make it.  She wasn't talking about finances, she was talking about me and her.  So I said fine but be patient I can't do everything at once. 

This is the part people will laugh at.  I started as just a random chance flipping on Jimmy Swaggart (I liked the music instead of the same 5 songs we always sing at the church here).  Things started to get better with her and I started watching his preaching (and his sons') more and more.  New years eve they had a recording of one of his sermons where he said "My church is not a referral service.  I don't send an alcoholic to AA.  I won't send my mentally ill to the psychiatrist.  I stick them in the front row."  For some reason that stuck with me.  About two weeks went by and I've been bouncing around some churches since, but I went in to an alter call and got saved.  I was still drinking pretty hard but I got myself to where if I drank a liter on Monday, I'd last until about dinner on Tuesday.  Then on February 19th, I woke up with a hangover.  I said what the fuck (literally) because I'd been drinking stronger stuff than what I had the night before and something in me said ok that's enough.  I've lost or strained all the relationships with my family, I'm broke, I have a wife with one foot out the door.  I have no job and no way of making income at the moment.  NOW I'M FUCKING HUNG OVER.  Smashed the shit out of the phone.  Got sick (I'd gone three years since I got sick on it) and I called her and said "ok baby... you win... I'm putting it down."  I haven't had a drink since, and I kept watching Swaggart because he's on late at night and I haven't had a full night's sleep since I lost that job back in 2009. 

I started studying the bible a little but mostly I spent time thinking about God and Jesus and how he saved me when he shed his blood on the cross.  About a month ago I took the next step and got baptized with the holy spirit with the evidence of speaking in other tongues which was actually far less dramatic than a lot of people make it out to be.  I still haven't found work and money's still tight but our relationship is back to where it was, I still don't speak to my family (we never had much of a relationship to begin with and I really don't care about that too much) but things have gotten steadily better since then.  I have a couple churches I go to I haven't found a really good Pentecostal one up here that preaches the way I like, so I watch the Swaggarts on Sunday too. 

That's pretty much all of it.  Start to finish.

Thanks for sharing the story Big Daddy.  Its interesting to read and takes guts to put yourself out there like that.  Congrats on your progress with sobriety.

Would you say that the day you woke up with a hangover was your "rock bottom?"

I don't know that I would say it's rock bottom because even though I didn't do it the whole AA way or through a traditional program, I've heard too many stories of people who come to sobriety who hit bottom far worse than I did.  I don't really know what to call it other than maybe being fed up in general with the situation.

You can only get better when you want to get better and can help yourself do it.

forced sobriety has a 100% failure rate

Congrats Big Daddy!! You are a testament to God's grace. It's amazing when we spend time with God just how much he helps us to deal with things.  He doesn't solve them like a genie in a bottle but he brings us through things that would have been much more difficult, or even impossible on our own.

This past week I went to the funeral of a 19 year old girl who tragically died as a passenger in an auto accident. Almost stereo-typically she was a good girl. It's absolutely incredible to witness something so tragic like this in a truly Christian environment. 

OK, now for my question ....

It's getting really close to Independence Day so I figured I'd go that route. When was the Declaration of Independence approved and when was it signed? Finally how do you feel about celebrating the 4th of July?

Celebrating the 4th of July depends largely on which day it falls.  Most of the time the closest we get to a family party is me and my wife, maybe her brother and his fiancee.  It's on a Thursday this year.  Mrs. Fin gets the day off anyways so we'll probably go do our mutual lake outing.  I fish, she sunbathes and reads and will jump in the water.  We don't know who's coming yet but if anybody shows we'll end up grilling in the yard and that will turn into a card game until around 9pm. 

If none of these are available or if the weather sucks, we'll probably spend most of the day in.  If our families were really speaking to us or either one of us had parents who were worth more than the stain that ran down the sheets, probably there'd be a huge get together at a picnic or park somewhere.

P.S.  I don't do parades.  I don't have anything against having them if you like them by all means go.  To me parades is watching TV except I can't go to the fridge and get a Coke or get up and go to the john. 

TO answer your question...

It was APPROVED on July 2, 1776.  The handwritten copy that the Continental Congress actually physically signed is dated July 4th. 

Should I lie and tell girls I'm pursuing online that I don't live at home.

I was doing great with girls but now I'm struggling.

I wouldn't.  Technically I still live at home too.  The difference is I own it now.  With the economy the way it is I don't think that's necessarily an issue.   If it becomes one, just say hey look the economy blows and I'm safeguarding against them laying me off at work blah blah blah...  If she's THAT interested, she'll take you to her place.  A lot of people have moved back home.  I have friends I graduated college with who went south and got high-level teaching jobs.  Virginia, Maryland, DC, NC.  They're all moving back up here to be with their parents because even with them and their husband's income it's still rough.

Never lie.  You will always get caught.

On an online dating site, when is good time to ask a girl to meet up?  During the first convo?  After one week?

I'd been doing great with online dating, but now I'm in a slump

Depends on the girl.  Learn to read into their responses to measure how interested they are.  I usually schedule a meet-up after a few days.  It's not a bad idea to have a phone call first. 

I would be creeped out if a guy I don't know asked me out in his first contact with me.

^^^^

Do you mean asked to be your bf?  Or asked to hang out?

As Brian said, don't lie...because if you have to lie to get someone to like you, then it really won't be you that they end up liking.

As far as the "when to shift from online contact to real-world contact, I agree with Daddy-F on the transition step of a phone call, but would probably wait a little longer than a week before taking that step. Be patient, don't be pushy, and enjoy the conversation and the whole "get to know you" part of online friendships.

Asked to hang out. If you're asking me out with your first contact you sound desperate and pushy. Plus, as a woman I have to be safe. I'm not just going to go out with some random guy that contacted me online.

No, she said "asked me out"

ok let's how that goes.  I broke up with my last long-term gf in december.  I've had a fwb for a couple months and a hookup since then, but dozens of other disasters.

Well, actually, I had a two week relationship that ended a few weeks ago.

Two weeks is NOT a relationship. In two weeks that person wouldn't even know where I live or work.