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The Flash (2023)

Premise: Barry Allen discovers that he can go back in time to save his mother, but risks ripple effects that could destroy everything.

Rating: Good premise, cheesy execution, missed opportunity

This is a weird one to talk about and I'm strangely obsessed with it.  Ultimately, I don't think the Flash is very good.  But I see very mixed reviews and some people I really respect seem to really love it.  What's weirder, is that on a point by point evaluation, I mostly agree with these reviews, so it's just a matter of weighing what you think is important about a film.

To me, the Flash is corny as shit.  The humor just doesn't work and I found the overall "vibe" -- the character banter of people just discussing things in a room, to be incredibly cringey and off-putting.  There's a scene in Independence Day The Rock where a gay barber cries "I just want to know, DO YOU LIKE YOUR HAIRCUT" in a scene meant for comedic relief.  I always hated that line and line delivery.  The Flash is that.

However, I see some people say that the humor works for them.

I can't help but compare to Guardians of the Galaxy 3, which I recently saw.  It's not like I laughed out loud at every joke, but there is a general humorous vibe around the characters in that movie -- they talk to each other like real people, with jokes and ribbing and sarcasm, but it plays funny to me.  This tries to capture that, but the tone is off and I hate it.

The special effects are all over the map.  The opening action sequence has some very cool things in it, but also very silly choices, with comedic gags in the action.  There are fake-looking babies, dogs with their tongues hanging out in slow motion, etc -- it just doesn't work for me.  The later fight scenes in the 3rd act are good, though rubbery, (I can forgive weird physis when those fighting are non-human Gods) and there is a cameo sequence with absolutely ghoulish CG versions of actors that looks like a PS3 cut-scene.  Truly horrendous.

I don't want to get into Ezra Miller being a shithead, but because of this, the marketing focuses on Batman and all of the Easter Eggs.  Because of this, there are very few surprises.  I wish I lived in a world where all of these in-movie reveals (Michael Keaton, the old Batmobile, the Batwing, the Batcave) play like actual reveals, but we've already seen all of it.

And here's the split between me and other people.  You will hear people say that Michael Keaton is the best thing about this movie.  He is not.  He is completely wasted.  If I were to tell you that you have another bite at the "Keaton as Batman" apple, there are so many things you could do to evolve the character.  Instead, they do nothing.  It's like they put Michael Keaton in ice and unfroze him -- same character, same equipment...no growth.  No arc.  He reuses the same lines that he used in other movies.  They don't even make sense in the context of the movie.  I just think it's a waste to get an actor to re-do things they already did.  Write new lines, for fuck's sake....don't just reuse old shit.  It's the worst kind of nostalgia.  In a multiverse, you can do anything.  You could have Batman fighting anyone....Billie Dee Williams as Harvey Dent -- Instead you treated him as a time capsule.  It's just a waste and makes this entry into Batman completely disposable.

All this shit-talking aside, the base story is cool.  Supergirl is cool, the way that they work Flashpoint into the DCEU is cool.  And the way that this movie treats time-travel and how it changes things is a new way of looking at it and separates it from other multiverse stories.

Lastly, there are some weird deep-cut cameos that I understand but I imagine will go over the head of regular audiences.  I think this could've been great if you committed to telling new stories and didn't treat the audiences like pigs at the trough, lining up for slop -- give these stupid people what they already love!  You liked it when he said "you wanna get nuts -- lets' get nuts!"?  Well, we have him say it again!!!!  Remember when he said "I'm batman"  HE. SAYS. IT.  AGAIN.  Remember the joke about how much Vicky Vale weighs.  WE DO THE SAME JOKE!  It's just recycled shit at the cost of any growth.

I'm interested to see how my friends feel about it.  

Its not Independence Day, it is the Michael Bay spectacular, the people's movie, The Rock.

I'll probably see it eventually but I'm in no hurry.  I have yet to see a DC movie I enjoyed (Peacemaker is not a movie), so this is just another one in a long line of potential disappointments.  But its getting a lot of good press so, if it hits streaming this fall, I'll probably check it out.

I've had difficulty DCEU but I'll give it a shot. I'm not going to pay for it though.

They always seem darker and more depressing to me. I wasn't happy they cut out Henry Cavill and I really like him as Superman among other roles.

I'm glad Cavill is gone.  I liked him a lot, but this needs to be like a band-aid.  Just be done with all of it.  Fully clear the table.  Don't keep anything.  Start fresh.

You're right!   And I love that movie, but I hate that line.  It's so cringey and this movie is that line, humor-wise.

Henry Cavill was in one decent movie (along with two bad movies) as Superman and everyone acts like dude is Christopher Reeve and owns the role.
Let's just move on already.

I'm going to see Indy 5 tonight.  I am hoping for the best, but I really don't like this thing where a movie just sucks off a previous movie.  I just want another Indy adventure and not countless callbacks to a better movie.