The Dolphins Make Me Cry.com - Forums

An Ode to Internet Porn

Lock the door.
Click to play.
I may get caught,
but not today.

Draw the shades.
Grab a sock,
and hope that someone
doesn't knock.

I know the church
Says I'm a sinner,
But there's still time
to spare 'till dinner.

I'm sure to watch out
for my jeans
to not get smeared
with Vasoline.

This isn't crass;
it's simply candid.
I've learned to use
my mouse left-handed.

At fifteen years,
this gift to me,
has helped a faithless boy
to see.

So when I finally
start to swell,
I thank the lord
for DSL.

HA!!  Classic. 

LMFAO ! That is great Dave !

BRAVO!!!! BRAVO!!!!!!!

perfect

Do people really use socks to masturbate? I hear this all the time, but have never used a sock.

Not sure.  This was a piece of fiction.  I don't have DSL...I have cable.  Duh.

Did you write that?  Is that a Dave Gray original?

LMFAO.....that is funny shit right there. Nice work!!!!!


I tried it once....it wasn't bad. Curiosity got the best of me I guess!!!!!  :o

Yes.

VERY VERY impressed.....

(are you ever going to finish that story?)

I really, really want to.  I haven't put time aside to work on it for some time.  At this point, I'd probably have to outline the whole thing again, and I fear that I've probably lost the character's voice.  I was in a very different place when I wrote that.

spoken like a true artist....trent reznor has said the very same thing about some of his music.

Gravedig.  I sent this to someone today and thought I'd bump it for new readers.

Excerpt from When I Was Your Age (referring to the 60's 70's and 80's)

"And talk about hardship!!!!  You just couldn't download any porn!!!  You had to settle for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue or bribe some homeless dude at the local 7 Eleven to buy you a copy of Playboy or Hustler!!!  Those were your options!!!"

Off the original topic, but I blame internet porn for the decline of geography knowledge.  At one time the biggest gap between boys and girls knowledge-wise was geography.  That is no longer the case, the sexes are roughly equal. And not because the girls got any smarter, no the boys got dumber.  Here is my theory why.  When I was in middle school my available options if I wanted a photo of a topless women was National Geographic.  You would get for the pictures but eventually you would read the articles too.  Now with internet porn boys are no longer reading national geographic.     

Dave Gray is officially my favorite poster on the board........ ;D

I found it very offensive..........Don't you know:

(http://img211.imageshack.us/img211/3772/godkillsakittenoe1.jpg) (http://imageshack.us)


 ;D


 

Just doing my part.

http://www.feralcat.com/kelson.html

I used, "You had to get that shit from your molester uncle or steal it from a neighbor!" in a standup bit. 

Are we talking story or are you writing a book, Dave?

I'm not actively writing anything anymore.  I was writing a humorous novelette before.  Brian was sort of like an editor, reading and giving input along the way.  But, I haven't worked on it in a few years, and kinda lost track.

I've more recently been toying around the idea of making more silly poems (not vulgar like this one) and making a children's poem book.   The idea was that the poems would be kinda mischievous and juvenile.  I would do stuff like my "Waking Beauty" poem that I posted on here earlier.

I have some other ideas, like stories about Santa getting arrested for Breaking and Entering on Christmas, so the kids get no toys.  ...another one where a guy mixes up his medicine with his dog, so he starts pooping in the yard.   ...stuff like that.

A friend of mine is a brilliant artist, and I asked if he'd be my illustrator.  He agreed, but nothing has been done yet.

There's only one thing to do...TDMMC will have to do a screenplay for future release to a major motion picture company.  There are only so many comic book characters Hollywood can use.

while i liked it and laughed i do have to say.. dave you write poetry.. 'gay'..... you were probably downloading gay porn as you wrote it   :)