The Dolphins Make Me Cry.com - Forums

Well a few months back I decided for whatever reason that (after 10 plus years) it was time to quit smoking. I talked it over with my g/f (Ms. AZ) and she decided that it was time for her as well and that we should do it together. So we picked a date, which at the time was pretty far away to give us time to prepare. That date was March 8th, 2006. We had plenty of time right?.....WHAT…..that was yesterday??? Well low and behold neither of us really “prepared” the way that we thought we would (you know cutting back little by little) so we decided last night to go out for one last hurrah. We went out to Famous Sam’s (a little local bar) and drank and smoked to our hearts content. I smoked like a fucking diesel truck last night. In fact I think I managed to give myself emphysema in one damn night. We went to bed around 2 am (read passed the fuck out drunk off our asses) and smoked right up until that point. If we smoked in the house we may have fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. I woke up a little after 6 this morning not really thinking about much and feeling a little groggy from the damage I had inflicted upon my poor liver the night before. I got ready for work and out of habit grabbed my cigarette lighter without thinking anything of it. I go out to the kitchen and saw my empty (so I thought) pack of cigarettes. I picked it up to throw it into the trash when I heard an all too familiar rattle inside of the box. ALAS……there were 2 cigarettes left in the box. I should just throw these away right? Fuck that, I will keep these in my truck in case of an absolute emergency. I left the house 10 minutes until 7 am. 7:03….first dire emergency. Smoked one of the little bastards and I’ll be damned if that did not hit the spot. 7:22 a few minutes out from the office and guess what…..Yep….emergency number 2. I burned through that little fucker like a 13 year old boy getting his first piece of ass. Well that solves that problem I guess no more smokes so now it’s go time. 6 hours later I am absolutely fucking miserable. I am so lethargic I don’t know whether I am coming or going. I sometimes find myself shaking my leg or doing the old head nod non stop….I can not sit still. I swear I am trembling like a faggot eating a fucking hot dog. It of course, does not help that I have had 77 gallons of Mt. Dew either. I can’t even stand still while trying to take a piss. Which, thanks to the aforementioned Mt. Dew seems to be every 15 minutes. On the other hand I have not mentioned the fact that I was planning on or actually had quit to any of my co-workers or most of my friends for that matter. Everyone is trying to figure out why I am so moody but I refuse to tell them anything. Why you might ask? Nothing is worse than sitting in your office and having some complete fucking tool who is an overpaid, under worked, pastel wearing, metrosexual, mama’s boy asshole come by in his raspy I just sucked another cock to make a sale voice saying……Heyyyyyy there Buddddddddy……How’s that whole not smoking thing working out for you? Well let me put it to you this way you fucktard….it was going fine until your dumbass walked by and fucking reminded me about it. I swear to god if you don’t walk the fuck away right this second I will smack you around like a screened door in a hurricane. Get the fuck away from me NOW!!!!! So yeah that is how my day has been so far. Life sucks shit through a proverbial tube at the moment but I am dealing. I spoke with Ms. AZ a little while ago and she’s hating life as well but at least she doesn’t have to deal with these assbags all day like I do. I know in the long run this is the best thing for me and I am really going to try and keep up on this. I will try to update my progress in the coming weeks for those of you who are interested. Imagine if I am this bad how it would be to be around the both of us at the same time. Be glad you’re not anywhere near this fucking train wreck. Wish us luck!!!!! For now I am off to drink my 78th gallon of Mt. Dew, take a piss and eat some more pretzels.

My friend is an addictionologist.  He says to get rid of your craving for cigarettes, take Vitamin C pills.  Start at 2000 mgs per day, then keep increasing it by 500 mgs until the cravings vanish.  This is a safe way to do it because Vitamin C is a water soluble vitamin. 

not to make light of your trying to quit, AZ, but that was a fucking funny rant!!  good luck on the challenge!   ...remember if you can make it past the 3rd day you can make it the rest of the way!

I don't know if reading this has made me want to quit smoking or go on a chain smoking binge. One thing for sure...that's a quality rant there.

Good luck to ya tho...

Thanks Tommy, I have some at home....I will try anything at this point. Worst part is I can't even have a beer because....well smoking and drinking goes hand in hand. I may have to give up the old Bud Light for a couple of weeks as well. This just keeps getting worse.


Thanks Tony I am glad you enjoyed it. It was kind of fun to write as well and it killed some time. I really want to do this right this time so I am pretty sure I will make it!!!!!

Be careful with that.  I've quit smoking myself but have relapsed several times while drinking.  The thing is, if I haven't been drinking, I don't need or want a cigarette.  Give up beer for a little while until your cravings for nicotine subside.  Also, if you want to go out for a few beers in the future, try going to a non-smoking bar. 

At least my rants have paragraphs

Thanks Stroke!!!!!


Yeah luckily we have quite a few of those here in the valley!!!!!


Yeah fuck you pal!!!!!  :P

Hang in there AZ.   I've heard of tyring to beat cigarettes with hypnosis, group therapy, patches and nicotine gum.  Mountain Dew and pretzels is a new one.  Once you've beaten the cigarettes, you can join a program to address the caffine addiction you get from 77 gallons of Mt. Dew.

I agree - great rant.

Good luck with this AZ - you're right, its better for you in the long run.  Keep on it, you'll be happier in the end.

LMFAO....thanks for the laugh....lord knows I needed it!!!!!


Thanks B!!!!!

Good luck. I really liked your rant. I quit about 8 years ago, and can now have one occasionally (if i'm golfing out playing cards) without the feeling the need to have 5 or 6.
One thing i found helped was salty foods. I used sunflower seeds. I bought the bags that had the seeds already out of the shell and ate them. If you are tempted to smoke, and light one up, it will taste like shit after all that salt!

HOLY SHiT YOU WROTE A NOVEL!

[size=8pt]Don't stop smoking.  Nobody likes a quitter.[/size]

Good luck!

I know its physically addictive, but remember that its also half psychological. If you can get it through your head that you don't "need" a cigarette or "want" a cigarette you have it half way kicked from the beginning.

I'll burn one for ya on break.....

I got ya bro.... :D

I purchased a bag of Sunflower seeds last night. I ate so damn many of them that my mouth feels like I ate a roll of fucking toilet paper.  :)


Thanks for the sarcastic yet humorous support!!!!


Gee thanks dick  :P....nah seroiusly I have been trying to think that way but I'll tell you what it is not easy. When I am saying on one side....you don't need this you are fine....then the little devil version of me chimes in and says...the fuck you don't. Go the store and smoke a whole pack at once you pussy!!!!!

Day 2 I am not having conversations with myself!!!! Oh Boy!!!!!  :-\

     Good luck AZ, quitting smoking is hard work, my Dad's been trying to quit for years and he's never been able to do it.  Beat it now, don't let it beat you, bro.  Hit it fast, hit it strong, kick ass and take names, you can do it!

I don't know how many packs a day my mother-in-law used to smoke, but it was a bunch.  She would light the first one off the stove right after she got up and then chain smoke all day long.  Then one day a few years ago, boom, she stops smoking completely. 

I don't ever see her, so I guess it's possible that's she smoking now.  Do you think they let you smoke in hell?

Hey, AZ - Update!?

He'll be right back. He's outside burning one..... :D

I started to write one yesterday and got kicked off the damn computer. I will try to get one in this afternoon!!!!!

Forget about the cigarretes, forget about the pretzels and MD, start writing things like this instead, that was really good. I was a social smoker since i was 15, and although its not the same....i kinda understand that feeling of NEED. I have an addiction to chocolate, sex and speed...not the one you take, the one that gives you  a speeding ticket every month.

But anyway...keep on going buddy!, the hardest part is to make the decision!!

 Â    Today is day 12 and surprisingly I am great. I feel great, cravings are minimal and I have learned not to depend on the cigarettes no matter what. To be perfectly honest the first day was a bitch but after that it wasn’t really that big of a deal. I had pretty much made up my mind that this is the way it was going to be and this is what I wanted to do. The first day I was ready to pack it in completely but I stuck to my guns and said that I can do this. The second day was a piece of cake really and I thought, well ok I am still in for a big shock. Not so, I have been fine and surviving now with ease. Sure every now and then I want one but I just think about something else and this has really been a lot easier than I thought. I have tried quitting in the past and always failed because I was never really ready too I was quitting for the wrong reasons, not for me…therefore I failed miserably.

 Â    The first weekend I really felt was going to be a challenge because there are certain times where you just want to smoke. For me it is after waking up, after a meal, driving, with alcohol, and after sex. Those are the most important smoking times for a full fledged smoker. Well that first weekend I decided that I wanted to have a couple of beers. Nothing crazy just 2 or 3, right? I was leery though as not wanting to discourage the progress I had already made. So I thought what the hell, and drank the first beer. Not too shabby, lets have another, and finally a third. After the third I was really to the point where I wanted a smoke but I was ok and it passed rather quickly. I watched a little TV and went to bed.

 Â    Now the first Saturday I knew was going to be tough because I was making the trip with Ms. AZ to see my step-dad down in Tucson who was getting some treatment at the University of Arizona Medical Center. Tucson is about a 2 hour drive from where we live. A normal trip like that I would smoke about every half hour or so while driving. I grabbed a Mt. Dew and some Beef Jerky for the road and we were off. We talked and listen to music all the way down and I really did not have even one real craving for a smoke. Later that evening on the way home from Tucson, and feeling relieved after seeing my step-dad was fine I had a really big craving and just popped a piece of gum to pass the time.

 Â    Being as it rained almost all day on that first Saturday (and it was the first time since October 18th 2005 that Arizona had any rain, that’s right 140 something days with no rain whatsoever) the Northern part of the state received its first snowfall of the entire winter. I was not really thrilled about getting right back in the car and making another long drive after the prior day’s activities but Ms. AZ and I really wanted to take my son up to the mountains to play in the snow. Therefore back in the car yet again. This time was even easier we had plenty of snacks and a whole group of friends and family had decided to join us so we kept busy all day and really had no chance to even think about wanting to smoke.

 Â    As the remaining days passed we tried different things to see how we would handle them. I had a couple of stressful days at work which I though would really cause me to break down but I just kept myself busy and thinking about other things while agitated. We also decided to take a trip to the bar to semi-reward ourselves for a job well done. We got pretty shitfaced to say the least and that would be what I consider our only moment of weakness. While at the bar and being surrounded by smoke I really was a lot calmer than I originally thought I would be. The smoke actually irritated my eyes and for the first time I really noticed how terrible my clothes smelled when I got home. That night while on a decent drunken binge we were bull shitting with my brother’s girlfriend and we had a few drags of her smoke which made me light headed and it tasted pretty shitty at that. Like I said I was pretty ripped at this point so I will admit to having a moment of weakness but you know what….Fuck it. I think I have this beat. I may falter every now and then but who cares.

 Â    I so far have pulled this off and I don’t miss it while enjoying the money I am saving as well. Food is starting to taste better and outside of the fact that I have gained almost 10 lbs as a result of my appetite increasing and metabolism slowing down I know that this is only temporary. I feel better everyday and I am will get back in the gym to start getting back in shape. I really can’t wait for the days where my lung capacity increases and I don’t get so short of breath so quickly. So like I said I think I have this beat….anything is possible but I was really ready this time and I think my smoking days are truly over. Sorry it took so long for the update!!!!!

 :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

LOL thanks for the support. I am glad you liked the rant. Now I will say this much....I will give up damn near anything.....except for sex. That is one addiction I am keeping as long as I can breate!!!!!  ;D

Good to hear you have done so well with this.

That's tottally Awsome AZ.....It's pretty much the same way I went about it...This December will be 5 years for me...It's kind of a mind over matter type thing.....You decided that's it...It's over...no more...that's the only atitude you have to have....And it has to be real...not that just telling yourself...

Congrats .... :D

Awesome news, dude.  Great job.  That reaction from the bar was priceless.

I'm glad to hear you've done well on this.  Maybe you can teach Crazy_Scar_Man a thing or two! :)

Or me... I think I better be the next one to quit. 31 years of this stuff has got to be enough.

Thanks Phish!!!!!  :)


Wow B....5 years that's awesome. Hearing you say 5 years and Philly say 8 smoke free years really tells me that I too can beat this for good not just a 6 month run!!!!!!  ;D


Thanks Brian, Ms. AZ wants to hit up the bar tonight so we will see how this trip pans out. I really wish in hindsight I would have had that reaction 11 years ago when I decided that it was cool to smoke to begin with. High School peer pressure.....gotta love it!!!!!

I take it Scar-Man did not stay smoke free?


Wow Stroke that is a long time. It can be done but you have to really want to. Let me know if you decide to give it a go. I would like to hear your progress as well.