Football team jokes that aren't really about football teams

[dolphins4life]

I thought of this and I think it will be fun.  Hopefully you guys will participate. 


The idea is to think of a joke relating to one of the thirty two NFL teams.  The catch is that it cannot have anything to do with football.  For example, if you chose the Eagles, you would have to tell a joke with eagles as the subject, but it can't have anythng to do with football.  So you could, for example, tell a joke about wild eagles.

I'll start with the Bears:

A man went bear hunting and spotted a small brown bear and shot it.  Then, there was a tap on his shoulder.  He turned to see a big black bear looking at him.  The black bear said.  "That was my cousin and you've got two choices.  Either I maul you to death or we have sex."

The man realized he had no choice and agreed to the second choice.  He felt sore for weeks afterwards, but vowed to get revenge.  When he recovered, he returned to the woods, spotted the black bear and shot it.

Again, there was a tap on his shoulder.   He turned to find a huge grizzly bear looking at him.  The Grizzly Bear said, "That was a very bad mistake.  That was my cousin you killed.  You've got two choices.  Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex."

The man again realized he had to agree to the latter option.  This time, he felt sore for months afterwards.  When he finally recovered, he returned to the woods, found the grizzly bear, and shot it.

For the third time, there was a tap on his shoulder.  He turned to find a giant polar bear looking at him sadly and saying, "Admit it mister, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?

So, that's the joke for the Bears.  The idea is to try to get one for all 32 teams?

Can you guys think of any others?

[MyGodWearsAHoodie]

Why do dolphins only swim in salty water?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
V
Pepper makes them sneeze!

[MyGodWearsAHoodie]

A couple of zoologists decided to give a lion a cell phone in order to keep track of his whereabouts. Unfortunately, whenever they tried to call, the lion was busy!

[MyGodWearsAHoodie]

A forest ranger is making rounds in a remote part of the wooded reserve when he comes across an unkempt man, sitting at a make-shift campfire, and, to the ranger's horror, eating a fish and a bald eagle. The man is consequently put in jail for the crime. He was soon brought to trial for his crime... The Judge asked the man "Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal offence?"
"Yes I do." replied the man, "but if you let me argue my case, I'll explain what happened."
"You may proceed."
"I got lost in the woods, and hadn't had anything real to eat for two weeks," the man
explained. "I was so hungry, I was eating plants to stay alive. Next thing I see is a Bald Eagle swooping down at the lake grabbing some fish. I thought 'if I startled the Eagle I could maybe steal the fish.' Low and behold, the eagle lighted upon a nearby tree stump to eat the fish. I threw a stone toward the eagle hoping he would drop the fish and fly away. Unfortunately, in my weakened condition, my aim was off, and the rock hit the eagle squarely on his poor little head, and killed it. I thought long and hard about what had happened, but figured that since I killed it I might as well eat it since it would be more disgraceful to let it rot on the ground."
The judge says he will take a recess to analyse the defendant's testimony. 15 minutes goes by and the judge returns: "Due to the extreme circumstance you were under and because you didn't intend to kill the eagle, the court will dismiss the charges."
The Judge then leans over the bench and whispers: "If you don't mind my asking, what does a bald eagle taste like?"

"Well your honour, it is hard to explain. The best I can describe it's a bit more tender than a California Condor but lacks the tang of a Spotted Owl."

[dolphins4life]

A little boy is dressed as a pirate for halloween and knocks on an old lady's door.  The lady says, "You're a cute pirate but tell me, where are your buccaneers?"

"Under my buckin' hat"