My run-ins with the PC police, Diet Vanilla Coke edition. Per JVIdes' request

[BigDaddyFin]

We were inbetween media and marketing classes when I was in college this one time.  Someone else mentioned in the course of the conversation that Coca-Cola just came out with Diet Vanilla Coke.  Me, doing that irritating thing I do where I think shit out, I says who the hell is going to want to drink that?  Diet vanilla cola tastes like shit no matter who makes it.  The whole point of putting vanilla in cola is to make it sweeter.  Diet soda isn't sweet, and if you put vanilla in there it's not going to taste like anything.  Some random Mrs. Natural Fibers type chick piped in.  "OH I JUST LOVE IT BECAUSE NOW DIABETICS CAN DRINK VANILLA COKE."  Needless to say, my brain kicked in and I looked at the girl and I mentioned the problem with diet vanilla soda in general.  I then said "if you're diabetic, you probably don't drink coke in the first place, so who's going to buy it and since there's no such thing as diet vanilla extract, what's in the fucking can?"  I went on about my business.  This happened on a Friday.  I'll skip over going to the bar that night to tell you what happened next. 

I answer the door because it's been ringing and someone's been pounding on it for at least 15 minutes.  Keep in mind I'm hung over and I'm pretty sure I got into it with someone in the bar that night.  I'm thinking it's the cops coming to haul me in for punching someone or something.  Instead there's a 5 person protest going on right on my lawn.  This really wierd effeminate goth looking guy hands me this orange card and it says "You have offended the diabetic community.  We recommend that you attend a sensitivity class.  You can attend sensitivity meetings on this and other subjects October 27th in Wilson Formal at 11am."  Now the worst part is the words "diabetic" and the date and time were filled in with black marker.  Evidently these losers had these cards pre-printed and went around handing them out for whatever they found upsetting that week.

Still hung over and by now having to take a wicked piss, I told the kid what he could do with the card (I saved it because it's too funny) and then let him and his friends know what would happen if they were on my lawn when I got back from the store.  It turns out picket signs aren't such a great defense against a well armed hung over man.  Someone actually took the time to make picket signs that said "St. John Fisher College doznt care about diabetes."  The kid must have been out sick when they taught contractions in school.   My personal favorite was the one that said "Insulin, not Athletics." They also don't like when you take their bullhorn and then use it to amplify a liquor fart.  I kept the bullhorn for my own amusement.

I also got in trouble because I said IBS isn't a real disease.  It's not that people with what is referred to as IBS don't have a condition or require medical treatment, they do.  It's just that it's misnamed.  They shouldn't call it IBS because it has nothing to do with irritating bowels.  It's the shits.  They should just call it The Runs or The Shits.  No big deal.  IBS should be reserved for someone who shits trout or bleeds profusely when using the john.

I didn't get any protesters on my lawn, but I did get a nasty letter from one of the nursing professors.  So I sent back a nastier one with a picture of me wiping my ass with her letter.  The P.S. said are my bowels irritable, or am I just wiping my ass with your letter?

[Brian Fein]

Thanks for the good laugh, BigDaddy.  That was a good story.

[AZ Fins Fan 55]

LOL that is hysterical....I needed that laugh today.

[JVides]

That's awesome, BigDaddy.  Thanks for telling the story.

[StL FinFan]

What a bunch of freaks!  Love it!

[Dave Gray]

What state do you live in?

[BigDaddyFin]

What state do you live in?

Rochester NY, where the people are morons and the Bills are the end all be all of human existence.