Should I start using the are you interested feature on facebook?

[Pappy13]

Sometimes, it seems people are attracted to me, but when I try to take it to another level, it doesn't work.  Take, for example, the girl who fixed my computer.  She has seemed to be interested in me.  She facebook IM'd me telling me she had looked at my facebook photos and also clicked like on both my piano covers that I posted to facebook.  We had tentatively set up a time to hang out on Monday, but she had plans, so that got cancelled.  I'm wondering if I should try again, or will that make her uncomfortable. 

This sounds like your own insecurity to me.  Things come up all the time and plans get cancelled, if she wasn't interested she probably wouldn't have set up the time in the first place.  It's possible that she changed her mind or just didn't want to hang out in the first place and was trying to let you off easily, but it's far from guaranteed.  Ask again.  If something comes up a second time I would sense a pattern, but don't let one time be your guide.  Girls don't like to be thought of as chasing the guy any more than you want to be thought of as chasing the girl, but she did initiate things a little bit through FB.  She may need you to be a little assertive now to let her know you're interested too.  If you aren't she may take that as your not interested.

It's a bit like I was giving Hoodie a hard time about.  If a girl is laying on your bed with her top off, if you think all she is expecting is a back rub, I think you're kinda missing the signals she is sending. LOL

[dolphins4life]

^^^^

The way I see it, if she was attracted to me, she would have hung out with me, rather than her friends.

That's why I think the girl I'm seeing as a friend from class right now is actually attracted to me.  She went on a misssion for a month in Africa and when she got back, she contacted me, I didn't contact her.  And she has made an effort to see me.  And on our last date, she was more affectionate than she has been. 

[Brian Fein]

Absolutely re-schedule with the internet-fixer girl.  And be confident in doing so.  If you act awkward, they will pick that up as insecurity, and girls like confidence.  If she blows you off again, I'd let her go.

And this girl from your class that you're seeing, does she seem to enjoy going out with you?  If she didn't like you, she wouldn't continue making plans with you, she'd likely avoid you.  She could be sitting around wondering why you're not asking her for more...

And I'd suggest avoiding going to bars to meet girls.  Just my 2 cents.  Often times the girls there are looking for something specific and there's a lot of competition.  It will work against you in the long run.

You just have to work on your own confidence, realize that you have something to offer, and present that.  The rest will fall in naturally.

[dolphins4life]

Thanks guys, I really appreciate all of your input.  I might bump this thread from time to time.  It's threads like this that make me proud to be a dolphins fan.   Fans support each other. 

[Sunstroke]

Start cultivating more interest in extremely ugly women. They won't care if you're awkward...or if you can't sing.


(climbs into flame-resistant full body suit to await the inevitable napalm strafing)

Thanks guys, I really appreciate all of your input.  I might bump this thread from time to time.  It's threads like this that make me proud to be a dolphins fan.   Fans support each other. 

Oops...

[Pappy13]

The way I see it, if she was attracted to me, she would have hung out with me, rather than her friends.

Sorry but I see this as a serious problem on your part.  Relationships are a give and take, but that doesn't mean she gives and you take.  If it were me and a girl says some friends showed up and she wanted to cancel to go with them, I would have said that's fine but asked if she would mind if I tag along as well.  That way she doesn't have to choose between friends and you and you get a chance to meet her friends.

That's why I think the girl I'm seeing as a friend from class right now is actually attracted to me.  She went on a misssion for a month in Africa and when she got back, she contacted me, I didn't contact her.  And she has made an effort to see me.  And on our last date, she was more affectionate than she has been. 

See I think this is where you're obviously not getting the "hint".  She leaves for a month and then initiates contact with you when she gets back and your still not sure if she's attracted to you?  What are you waiting for?  Are you waiting for her to ask you out?  In my opinion she's wanting you to be a little more assertive and you're not.  You're running the risk of losing her because she's gonna think you're not interested.  You can't let them do all the work, you got to meet them half way.  Get busy.

[dolphins4life]

I don't see what my singing has to do with this.

Although it's funny, my two highest rated youtube videos are my two singing covers.    The next two are my Lady Gaga piano covers. 

[dolphins4life]

Sorry but I see this as a serious problem on your part.  Relationships are a give and take, but that doesn't mean she gives and you take.  If it were me and a girl says some friends showed up and she wanted to cancel to go with them, I would have said that's fine but asked if she would mind if I tag along as well.  That way she doesn't have to choose between friends and you and you get a chance to meet her friends.
See I think this is where you're obviously not getting the "hint".  She leaves for a month and then initiates contact with you when she gets back and your still not sure if she's attracted to you?  What are you waiting for?  Are you waiting for her to ask you out?  In my opinion she's wanting you to be a little more assertive and you're not.  You're running the risk of losing her because she's gonna think you're not interested.  You can't let them do all the work, you got to meet them half way.  Get busy.

My plan is to keep going out with her, but gradually increase the level of affection I show towards her and see how she responds. 

[MyGodWearsAHoodie]

I have started seeing this one girl from one of my classes.  We've gone on dates as friends.  I'd like to ask her out, but I'm afraid if I try to make it a bf-gf relationship, I will lose her as a friend.  

Nah, worse case you will get the dreaded, "you are like a brother to me” line.  Unless you push it way harder than you should after she firmly says no.  

It's extremely difficult for me.  When I was a freshman, I tried making advances on girls, always failed, and sunk into depression.  

That is why you need to think of baseball analogy.  The job of a hitter is to hit the ball.  All of them fail a their job more often then they succeed.  If you are a hall of fame quality pick up artist you are going to strike out a lot more than you get a hit. If you are just normal joe, the strikeouts are gonna be very much the norm .  If you make three advances in two weeks your odd of having a date are almost nil.  If you ask 20 girls a day, within a week you will have one.  

I had a friend who sent out 2,500 resumes per day for three days.  Total of 7,500.  She used mail merge to create the cover letters.  I bet well over 95% of them were tossed in the trash within mins as she sent many to companies that didn’t have openings in her field.  Some even came back from the post office cause the company didn’t exist anymore.  But she did get several interviews and one job offer.  She only needed one job.  You only need one girlfriend.  â€œQuantity over quality” was her motto.  It worked.  She had a new job less than 1 month after being laid off in a down economy.  Was she a success or failure?  Keep in mind 99.987% of all the companies she applied for a job with directly or indirectly said they weren’t interested.  That is a very high failure rate.      

Sometimes, it seems people are attracted to me, but when I try to take it to another level, it doesn't work.  Take, for example, the girl who fixed my computer.  She has seemed to be interested in me.  She facebook IM'd me telling me she had looked at my facebook photos and also clicked like on both my piano covers that I posted to facebook.  We had tentatively set up a time to hang out on Monday, but she had plans, so that got cancelled.  I'm wondering if I should try again, or will that make her uncomfortable.  

She might actually have had plans.  Or maybe she just wants to make sure you are really interested.  Don’t believe the poster they hang in your dorm.  More often than not “no” means “not now, ask again later ‘cause I only go out with guys that are interested enough in me to really peruse me.”  Worse case you make her uncomfortable.  Just like plenty of companies think my friend is an idiot for applying for a job when they are laying off and would have no need for her even if they were expanding.  She didn’t care how many people didn’t hire her as long as ONE did.  

If you make her uncomfortable she ain’t gonna be your gf.  But if you don’t ask she ain’t gonna be your gf either.  What is worse forgoing the risk of missing out on what could be a gf, or risking having someone who doesn’t like you anyway becoming uncomfortable?  

Now, I am not saying persist if she is clearly uncomfortable.  Or she is very clear about not wanting you to peruse her.  

But, I use to think that when a girl sent mixed messages she was being nice and didn’t want to directly tell me to bug off she ain’t interested.  And if I persisted she would be pissed and eventually be very direct. I have concluded that is sometimes the case but many times not the case. Very often they are actually playing hard to get and if a girl ain’t interested she will be very direct about it up front and not just hint she isn’t interested.  Err on the side that she really likes you.  Worst case is you are told very directly to stop fucking bothering me.  So what.  If you err the other way you miss too many opportunities.  

My advice is don’t set a goal of having a girlfriend.  

Set a goal of asking 10 girls a week out for a date, until you get into a relationship.  No goal on number of actual dates.  Just a goal on the number of times you ask girls out.  You can ask the same girl more than once to hit the goal.  So if you hit on 5 different girls each twice in a week that gets you to 10.  Once you get immune to the disappointment of no you will be fine.  

Keep in mind Babe Ruth got more strikeouts than homeruns, he didn’t contemplate suicide after each strikeout, he just got ready for his next at bat.  You should do the same.      

[Buddhagirl]

Thanks guys, I really appreciate all of your input.  I might bump this thread from time to time.  It's threads like this that make me proud to be a dolphins fan.   Fans support each other. 

Let's not get all crazy here. I'm NOT a Dolphins fan.

[MyGodWearsAHoodie]

Let's not get all crazy here. I'm NOT a Dolphins fan.

+1

[Pappy13]

My plan is to keep going out with her, but gradually increase the level of affection I show towards her and see how she responds. 

Yes definately let her be the guide, but I think in this case it's better to ask for forgiveness rather than ask for permission.  What I mean by that is that you're gonna have to take a few chances.  Have you kissed her?  If not, I would try and see how she reacts.  If she says "What in the hell do you think you are doing?" you apologize and say you misread the situation completely, however if she doesn't than I think you can safely assume that you're headed down the right path.

Good luck.

[Brian Fein]

^^^ This is a big bold step that requires cojones.  But you have to be in the right situation...  It could work or it could be a total bomb.  Either way, you're all-in if you go this route, and you'll find out for sure if you win or lose.

[Pappy13]

^^^ This is a big bold step that requires cojones.  But you have to be in the right situation...  It could work or it could be a total bomb.  Either way, you're all-in if you go this route, and you'll find out for sure if you win or lose.

Not necessarily.  Even if she says "What the hell do you think you are doing?", you may still not be screwed.  At that point you can now start trying to explain yourself and about how you feel about her and you thought that maybe she felt the same way and that you're really sorry that she doesn't.  She has 2 choices at this point, she can say "You're damn right I don't", which means you're screwed or she could say, "Well you're just moving too fast" in which case you're not screwed, you now know she's interested but she needs more time.  That's OK.  At least you've got some kind of guage on the interest level.  Sure it requires some cajones, but at least you'll have clear picture where you stand.  You move too slowly and she may be turned off thinking that you're just not into her.  If you move too fast and she tells you and you apologize, that could be the start of really talking about how you feel about each other which can move things along.

[MyGodWearsAHoodie]

Agree 100% with Pappy.

Plus if you got zero chance with her find out sooner, rather than later and start prowling for the next potential future Mrs. dolphins4life. 

The secret of success is overcoming the fear failure.