Relationship Court: Graduation

[Dave Gray]

Graduation ceremonies are the worst.  They're boring, they just read a bunch of names, and it takes forever.  This couple has been dating for about 4 years.  She knows that he hates them and her college graduation is coming up.  She doesn't even want to go to her own, but she has to.  She tells him that it's cool if he doesn't go.  When he presses, feeling that it's a trap, she assures him that she doesn't care.  No....really...don't go.  Graduations are the worst.

So he doesn't go.

Afterwards, she expresses regret that he didn't go.

Eventually they break up for non-related reasons and later, he's dating someone else.

He tells her the graduation story.

HER: I can't believe you didn't go.
HIM: But she told me 100 times that I didn't need to go.
HER: It doesn't matter.  You had to go.

[Pappy13]

Screw her. If she says I'll leave it up to you and you don't go, that's different. But if she straight up tells you NOT to go. That's on her, she can't expect you to overrule her.

[Fau Teixeira]

"her" isn't always rational tho .. you shoulda seen it coming ..

[Sunstroke]

Unlike the french fries scenario, he should've read between the lines here and gone to the graduation.

[DaLittle B]

I agree,with Fau,and Stroke here...

Being together for 4 years,she would have known my fears/anxiety about crowds...

See I suck at this,and why I'm perfectly fine being perpetually single! 

[Phishfan]

This is tricky because we don't know the tone nor the background of her. She could have easily been saying the words "it's ok if you don't go " but her tone and history can tell you she doesn't mean it

[Spider-Dan]

This is tricky because we don't know the tone nor the background of her.

risk / reward

1) She almost certainly doesn't mean it
2) She definitely will not be angry if you go anyway
3) This isn't something that you can do again next time

[Tenshot13]

Really shitty of her to hold it against him, but if you're with a person for 4 years, you go even if they forbid you. 

[Pappy13]

risk / reward

1) She almost certainly doesn't mean it
2) She definitely will not be angry if you go anyway
3) This isn't something that you can do again next time

You haven't met my wife. If she says "Don't go." she means it and if I were to go, she sure as hell WOULD be angry for not listening to her. Now if she says "I'll leave it up to you" that means you better do the right thing. Stay far away from any woman who tells you one thing but expects something else. She's trouble. You can't win with someone like that.

[masterfins]

You've been together 4 years and he doesn't go to her graduation??  He obviously doesn't care that much about her, or he would go to a significant event in her life.  Now if it was for some friend, or family member of hers, I could understand not going.

[Dave Gray]

^ Well, this isn't true.

Of course I cared about her.  And if it were significant, I would've gone.  But she told me that it wasn't.

I am the type of person who means the words I say, nothing more, nothing less.  Short of being obviously sarcastic or joking about something, I say what I mean.  So, when I come across cryptic talk, I have trouble. 

I have learned some that you just can't trust what people say and have to almost ignore it.

[CF DolFan]

 
I have learned some that you just can't trust what people say and have to almost ignore it.

This is true if you want to be the good person. Regardless of what other people say, we almost always know the "right" thing to do. If you don't care how you're perceived then feel free to take people at their word. I know that is screwed up way of thinking but that's how life works. Many people are't honest with how they really feel.

[pondwater]

You haven't met my wife. If she says "Don't go." she means it and if I were to go, she sure as hell WOULD be angry for not listening to her. Now if she says "I'll leave it up to you" that means you better do the right thing. Stay far away from any woman who tells you one thing but expects something else. She's trouble. You can't win with someone like that.

I dated someone for 3.5 years like that. I'm not really religious at all, but I always asked her if she wanted me to go to church with her. Her 3 answers were always, "Go for you, not for me, "If you want to, I don't care" or "You don't have to". So I never went.

Now think about it for a minute. If I wanted to go, I would have gone on my own. Then when we were breaking up she somehow found a way to blame me for not going. But I thought you said, "I don't care"? Chick turned out to be nutty as a fruitcake, somehow got triggered and dysregulated. I don't get why people play those silly games. 

[Dolphster]

Unlike the french fries scenario, he should've read between the lines here and gone to the graduation.

You are on a roll with these questions.  I'm agreeing with you on like 100% of them.  Graduation is a bigger deal than french fries and this one clearly fell into the same type of scenario as when your lady is acting aggravated at you about something and you ask "what's wrong" and she coldly replies "nothing".   You would be a fool to to believe the "nothing" response. Same thing with graduation.  She may say that she doesn't care if you go, but she cares.  Why they do this ridiculous thing of not saying what they mean will never make sense to me, but we have to be shrewd enough to see through it.  LOL

[fyo]

^ Sometimes they don't really care initially, but only because they haven't thought it through and when they are in the situation (e.g. at graduation) and all their friends have their SO's around, it changes things. In these situations, you really have to think ahead or risk getting burned.