COVID update - October

[CF DolFan]

My Dad is in a care facility for memory care.  It's not a nursing home, per se, but it's got old people (not exclusively, but mostly).  They've been super careful with COVID.  I haven't seen my Dad in almost 10 months.  Nobody has been in and out of there.  No haircuts...my Dad looks like a 60s hippie, with hair to the top of his back.

Still, they've been ravaged.  Out of like 65 people total, 10 have died.  I think only 15 were even infected.  I'm going to have my first visit on Friday, which is super controlled -- no touching, no giving him anything, I gotta wear a mask that they provide and a face shield, too. 

Sorry you and yours are going through that.  We've had a couple of bouts to deal with as well. The slow deaths are very hard to deal with ... even in older relatives.

[Dave Gray]

Re my Dad:

We're actually pretty lucky that his mind is degenerating in the specific way that it is.  He's not violent, he's not confused about who he is or who we are.  He isn't out trying to wander around.  The biggest issue with him is time.  He doesn't really recognize its passing or know when it is in relation to other things.  And he seems completely disinterested in engaging.  Once I realized that I wasn't trying to recreate or rebuild a relationship and it was instead about finding a new way to interact, which is just spending time and not making him work too hard at conversing, it's been much more pleasant.

Some of the people I see when I go there are angry.  One guy yelled in my face and called me an idiot and threw a napkin at me, because he apparently thought I was someone who had done him wrong in his life and he was re-living that anguish.  He kept seeking me out...tortured that I had gall to show up there.  Or even with some of these older confused women will take my kids by the hand and think they're lost or something.  Or you'll have people try to find out where their kids haven't come home yet (and their kids are probably 60 years old).

[Pappy13]

My dad had Parkinsons for years. At first it only effected his motor skills, at first it was just a twitch in his hand and then he had trouble walking and then just standing. Near the end my mom had to put him into a home because she could no longer take care of him. He couldn't go to the bathroom by himself and was too heavy for my mom to help him. He was never a big talker but when he started having trouble talking he basically just quit. After a couple years in the home his faculties also started to go. He would get confused from time to time where he was and who my mom was. He would get angry sometimes and say they were mistreating him, not feeding him and things like that when he had just eaten etc. He had bouts of depression as well. When he was still lucid him and my mom discussed it and they both agreed he was never to be put on a feeding tube if it got to that point. One day about a year ago he just started refusing to eat and my mom knew that was his way of letting her know it was time for her to let him go and she did. She told the staff to keep him comfortable and after about a week of not eating he passed away. My dad was an incredibly strong person and I think he knew exactly what he was doing. When it gets to that point, I think dieing is a relief.

[Dave Gray]

My dad had Parkinsons for years. At first it only effected his motor skills, at first it was just a twitch in his hand and then he had trouble walking and then just standing. Near the end my mom had to put him into a home because she could no longer take care of him. He couldn't go to the bathroom by himself and was too heavy for my mom to help him. He was never a big talker but when he started having trouble talking he basically just quit. After a couple years in the home his faculties also started to go. He would get confused from time to time where he was and who my mom was. He would get angry sometimes and say they were mistreating him, not feeding him and things like that when he had just eaten etc. He had bouts of depression as well. When we was still lucid him and my mom discussed it and they both agreed he was never to be put on a feeding tube if it got to that point. One day about a year ago he just started refusing to eat and my mom knew that was his way of letting her know it was time for her to let him go and she did. She told the staff to keep him comfortable and after about a week of not eating he passed away. My dad was an incredibly strong person and I think he knew exactly what he was doing. When it gets to that point, I think dieing is a relief.

I'm sorry, man.

Watching someone's brain go before their body is hard to watch.

[Pappy13]

I'm sorry, man.

Watching someone's brain go before their body is hard to watch.

Thanks. It was hardest on my Mom and I think part of the reason that he decided to stop eating. She would visit him every day in the home and I think he didn't want her to have to go through it anymore. I think everyone was satisfied that he made peace with it and went out the best way he knew how. Everyone was sad, but everyone came together to celebrate his life, not to mourn his passing. That's what I remember most about it so that's not bad.