Becky -- Did I ever tell you that I loved you?

[MyGodWearsAHoodie]

This has been the most absolutely horrible week and a half and it is not getting better.

I have a friend who lives in Israel.  Or at least she did.

Friend might be overstating it.  More of an acquaintance; we haven't seen each other in decades.  And my time with her was about a dozen Friday night potluck dinners in a larger group.   I had a crush on her, but she wasn't interested in being more than friends.  And since then we have been occasional pen pals.  In her last email to me (in response to me wishing her and her family a Sweet New Year) she told me that she was going to be a grandma around Hanukah.

I don't know her last name.  Only her first name which I am certain is an Americanized nickname.  Nor any of her family or friends in Israel.  I don't have any contacts with the others from our group when I knew her.  I know this wasn't her primary email account.  I can't pick her photo out of the collages based on what I remember she looked like 30 years ago. So I will never have closure.  I will never stop hoping that her email account just stopped working between Sept 14 and Oct 7.  Even though I know this isn't the case.       

She once told me she always knew how much coverage a terrorist event got in the US media based on how many emails she got from her American friends asking her if she was okay. She lived south of Tel Aviv and would tell me I should worry less because I would email her about incidents that occurred on the other side of the country.  She even once  half jokingly emailed me a link to a news story of a shooting in California asking me if I was okay.  When I pointed out that is the other side of the country, she said that was her point and I should worry about her less.  And that Israeli kids are at less risk of getting shot than American kids.  This didn't stop me from being concerned and checking with her when Israel was in the news but I started doing a better job of including concern for a family and friends. I know she has family not far from Gaza.   

I can't function.  I can't sleep.  I am literally checking my email multiple times per minute, praying for her reply.  It is never coming. 

aleha hashalom Becky


P.S.

I am staying out of the other thread because statements blaming Israel's policy towards Gaza rather than Hamas for my friends murder trigger me in violent ways.  So my only coping method is to avoid any discussion where that might occur.     

[Spider-Dan]

Sorry to hear about that.  I hope your friend is OK.

[Dave Gray]

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. 

Is the lack of communication the only information you have as to her situation?  Do you have any other leads or people who may know people that you can contact?

[MyGodWearsAHoodie]

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. 

Is the lack of communication the only information you have as to her situation?  Do you have any other leads or people who may know people that you can contact?

 I have nobody to contact.  And it is entirely possible she was in a car accident the week before and that is why she went dark or something else

I have a friend who is a cyber sleuth, I sent him her email an hour ago he said he might be able to find her name address etc from it.  But he warned me not to get my hopes up. 

[AQNOR]

I have nobody to contact.  And it is entirely possible she was in a car accident the week before and that is why she went dark or something else

I have a friend who is a cyber sleuth, I sent him her email an hour ago he said he might be able to find her name address etc from it.  But he warned me not to get my hopes up. 

It could be that she is on the move as well seeing as a lot of people are fleeing the country.   That's what happened to a friend of mine's cousin.   He actually went dark for six days, then resurfaced in Cairo before coming home to the states.   

Whatever the reason, I really hope she is ok and she resurfaces at some point.  I also hope your friend can track down her information so you can see if she is ok.

[Dave Gray]

I could be that her PC died or she forgot her password or that she's traveling or she moved or any number of reasons.  Reach out to verify, but there are a lot of possible explanations.

[MyGodWearsAHoodie]

I could be that her PC died or she forgot her password or that she's traveling or she moved or any number of reasons.  Reach out to verify, but there are a lot of possible explanations.

it is possible. It is what I am praying for.  But if you lived in NYC on Sept 11 would it you have taken you over a week to find some way to log into email so you could reply to an inbox full of desperate emails?

And yes, I have sent follow up emails in case the first ones didn't get thru.  I think the one I sent yesterday was number 11 or 12.  That one was the first one which wasn't me begging for a reply and telling her I hope she and her family are ok.  It was me telling her how much I had a crush on her 30 years ago.  I guess that means I have transitioned from bargaining to acceptance. 

[MyGodWearsAHoodie]

================ Update =========================

My friend (the computer sleuth) came though....

Becky was killed in a car accident about two weeks before the terrorist attack. 

Another one of my friends (who I have not been in touch with in over 30 years)  was murdered along with her husband, her daughter, her son-in-law and 2 grandchildren in the terrorist attack on Oct 7. 

I am NOT okay. 

I might provide more details later as there is a valuable lesson about cooperating with some who is trying to help you.  And I also learned how private info is available through data brokers, it is shocking how much you can find out about someone.     

[CF DolFan]

So very sorry for your loss Hoodie. That is horrible all the way around. I will be praying for you during this difficult time.

[Dave Gray]

I'm really sorry, Hoodie.  I'm very sad for you, but hope that you may be able to seek closure.

[Spider-Dan]

Sorry to hear that.

[masterfins]

Condolences. 

[AQNOR]

I'm sorry for your loss, Hoodie.   At least you can get closure from this and mourn her death properly instead of worrying about her hour after hour.   That shit can eat you up inside.   Stay strong.

[AQNOR]

BUMP

Hoodie, are you holding up ok?

[MyGodWearsAHoodie]

Not good, but not because of Becky. 

Becky is not the first friend I have lost to a car accident.  It hurts but I can accept it. 

But my anger regarding the brutal terrorist attacks of Oct 7th haven't not subsided. In many ways it is worse than 9/11 for me. 

After 9/11 there was a shared unity of purpose.  I never heard anyone saying how 9/11 was justified or that the US shouldn't respond to the attacks, so my anger was limited towards people half way around the world. I had no problem interacting with Muslim-Americans post-9/11 because 100% of them condemned 9/11 and supported the US, as one person I knew said "I knew  Bin Laden and the Talban were evil before you knew they existed."  But with most Muslim-Americans cheering on or justifying Oct 7, I pretty much want to punch anyone wearing a Hijab.  I don't know if you are old enough to have experienced 9/11, but if you are image in addition to what you experienced hearing on regular basis that the attacks on 9/11 were justified but going after Bin Laden is not. 

Nobody was handcuffing the US military in their quest to get rid of the Taliban or al Qaida. 

Also within a month of 9/11 I my concern of additional attacks had subsided.  The rise of anti-Semitism in the country has me more worried about my own personal safety and the safety of my family.

So no, I am not holding up okay.