Quitting Smoking Sucks Ass!!!!!

[AZ Fins Fan 55]

Well a few months back I decided for whatever reason that (after 10 plus years) it was time to quit smoking. I talked it over with my g/f (Ms. AZ) and she decided that it was time for her as well and that we should do it together. So we picked a date, which at the time was pretty far away to give us time to prepare. That date was March 8th, 2006. We had plenty of time right?.....WHAT…..that was yesterday??? Well low and behold neither of us really “prepared” the way that we thought we would (you know cutting back little by little) so we decided last night to go out for one last hurrah. We went out to Famous Sam’s (a little local bar) and drank and smoked to our hearts content. I smoked like a fucking diesel truck last night. In fact I think I managed to give myself emphysema in one damn night. We went to bed around 2 am (read passed the fuck out drunk off our asses) and smoked right up until that point. If we smoked in the house we may have fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. I woke up a little after 6 this morning not really thinking about much and feeling a little groggy from the damage I had inflicted upon my poor liver the night before. I got ready for work and out of habit grabbed my cigarette lighter without thinking anything of it. I go out to the kitchen and saw my empty (so I thought) pack of cigarettes. I picked it up to throw it into the trash when I heard an all too familiar rattle inside of the box. ALAS……there were 2 cigarettes left in the box. I should just throw these away right? Fuck that, I will keep these in my truck in case of an absolute emergency. I left the house 10 minutes until 7 am. 7:03….first dire emergency. Smoked one of the little bastards and I’ll be damned if that did not hit the spot. 7:22 a few minutes out from the office and guess what…..Yep….emergency number 2. I burned through that little fucker like a 13 year old boy getting his first piece of ass. Well that solves that problem I guess no more smokes so now it’s go time. 6 hours later I am absolutely fucking miserable. I am so lethargic I don’t know whether I am coming or going. I sometimes find myself shaking my leg or doing the old head nod non stop….I can not sit still. I swear I am trembling like a faggot eating a fucking hot dog. It of course, does not help that I have had 77 gallons of Mt. Dew either. I can’t even stand still while trying to take a piss. Which, thanks to the aforementioned Mt. Dew seems to be every 15 minutes. On the other hand I have not mentioned the fact that I was planning on or actually had quit to any of my co-workers or most of my friends for that matter. Everyone is trying to figure out why I am so moody but I refuse to tell them anything. Why you might ask? Nothing is worse than sitting in your office and having some complete fucking tool who is an overpaid, under worked, pastel wearing, metrosexual, mama’s boy asshole come by in his raspy I just sucked another cock to make a sale voice saying……Heyyyyyy there Buddddddddy……How’s that whole not smoking thing working out for you? Well let me put it to you this way you fucktard….it was going fine until your dumbass walked by and fucking reminded me about it. I swear to god if you don’t walk the fuck away right this second I will smack you around like a screened door in a hurricane. Get the fuck away from me NOW!!!!! So yeah that is how my day has been so far. Life sucks shit through a proverbial tube at the moment but I am dealing. I spoke with Ms. AZ a little while ago and she’s hating life as well but at least she doesn’t have to deal with these assbags all day like I do. I know in the long run this is the best thing for me and I am really going to try and keep up on this. I will try to update my progress in the coming weeks for those of you who are interested. Imagine if I am this bad how it would be to be around the both of us at the same time. Be glad you’re not anywhere near this fucking train wreck. Wish us luck!!!!! For now I am off to drink my 78th gallon of Mt. Dew, take a piss and eat some more pretzels.

[YoFuggedaboutit]

My friend is an addictionologist.  He says to get rid of your craving for cigarettes, take Vitamin C pills.  Start at 2000 mgs per day, then keep increasing it by 500 mgs until the cravings vanish.  This is a safe way to do it because Vitamin C is a water soluble vitamin. 

[TonyB0D]

not to make light of your trying to quit, AZ, but that was a fucking funny rant!!  good luck on the challenge!   ...remember if you can make it past the 3rd day you can make it the rest of the way!

[Sunstroke]

I don't know if reading this has made me want to quit smoking or go on a chain smoking binge. One thing for sure...that's a quality rant there.

Good luck to ya tho...

[AZ Fins Fan 55]

My friend is an addictionologist.  He says to get rid of your craving for cigarettes, take Vitamin C pills.  Start at 2000 mgs per day, then keep increasing it by 500 mgs until the cravings vanish.  This is a safe way to do it because Vitamin C is a water soluble vitamin. 

Thanks Tommy, I have some at home....I will try anything at this point. Worst part is I can't even have a beer because....well smoking and drinking goes hand in hand. I may have to give up the old Bud Light for a couple of weeks as well. This just keeps getting worse.

not to make light of your trying to quit, AZ, but that was a fucking funny rant!! good luck on the challenge! ...remember if you can make it past the 3rd day you can make it the rest of the way!

Thanks Tony I am glad you enjoyed it. It was kind of fun to write as well and it killed some time. I really want to do this right this time so I am pretty sure I will make it!!!!!

[YoFuggedaboutit]

Thanks Tommy, I have some at home....I will try anything at this point. Worst part is I can't even have a beer because....well smoking and drinking goes hand in hand. I may have to give up the old Bud Light for a couple of weeks as well. This just keeps getting worse.

Be careful with that.  I've quit smoking myself but have relapsed several times while drinking.  The thing is, if I haven't been drinking, I don't need or want a cigarette.  Give up beer for a little while until your cravings for nicotine subside.  Also, if you want to go out for a few beers in the future, try going to a non-smoking bar. 

[jtex316]

At least my rants have paragraphs

[AZ Fins Fan 55]

I don't know if reading this has made me want to quit smoking or go on a chain smoking binge. One thing for sure...that's a quality rant there.

Good luck to ya tho...

Thanks Stroke!!!!!

Be careful with that. I've quit smoking myself but have relapsed several times while drinking. The thing is, if I haven't been drinking, I don't need or want a cigarette. Give up beer for a little while until your cravings for nicotine subside. Also, if you want to go out for a few beers in the future, try going to a non-smoking bar.

Yeah luckily we have quite a few of those here in the valley!!!!!

At least my rants have paragraphs

Yeah fuck you pal!!!!! 

[Jim Gray]

Hang in there AZ.   I've heard of tyring to beat cigarettes with hypnosis, group therapy, patches and nicotine gum.  Mountain Dew and pretzels is a new one.  Once you've beaten the cigarettes, you can join a program to address the caffine addiction you get from 77 gallons of Mt. Dew.

[Brian Fein]

I agree - great rant.

Good luck with this AZ - you're right, its better for you in the long run.  Keep on it, you'll be happier in the end.

[AZ Fins Fan 55]

Once you've beaten the cigarettes, you can join a program to address the caffine addiction you get from 77 gallons of Mt. Dew.

LMFAO....thanks for the laugh....lord knows I needed it!!!!!

I agree - great rant.

Good luck with this AZ - you're right, its better for you in the long run.  Keep on it, you'll be happier in the end.

Thanks B!!!!!

[Philly Fin Fan]

Good luck. I really liked your rant. I quit about 8 years ago, and can now have one occasionally (if i'm golfing out playing cards) without the feeling the need to have 5 or 6.
One thing i found helped was salty foods. I used sunflower seeds. I bought the bags that had the seeds already out of the shell and ate them. If you are tempted to smoke, and light one up, it will taste like shit after all that salt!

[Ryan]

HOLY SHiT YOU WROTE A NOVEL!

[size=8pt]Don't stop smoking.  Nobody likes a quitter.[/size]

Good luck!

[Denver_Bronco]

I know its physically addictive, but remember that its also half psychological. If you can get it through your head that you don't "need" a cigarette or "want" a cigarette you have it half way kicked from the beginning.

I'll burn one for ya on break.....

I got ya bro....

[AZ Fins Fan 55]

Good luck. I really liked your rant. I quit about 8 years ago, and can now have one occasionally (if i'm golfing out playing cards) without the feeling the need to have 5 or 6.
One thing i found helped was salty foods. I used sunflower seeds. I bought the bags that had the seeds already out of the shell and ate them. If you are tempted to smoke, and light one up, it will taste like shit after all that salt!

I purchased a bag of Sunflower seeds last night. I ate so damn many of them that my mouth feels like I ate a roll of fucking toilet paper. 

HOLY SHiT YOU WROTE A NOVEL!

[size=8pt]Don't sop smoking. Nobody likes a quitter.[/size]

Good luck!

Thanks for the sarcastic yet humorous support!!!!

I know its physically addictive, but remember that its also half psychological. If you can get it through your head that you don't "need" a cigarette or "want" a cigarette you have it half way kicked from the beginning.

I'll burn one for ya on break.....

I got ya bro....

Gee thanks dick  ....nah seroiusly I have been trying to think that way but I'll tell you what it is not easy. When I am saying on one side....you don't need this you are fine....then the little devil version of me chimes in and says...the fuck you don't. Go the store and smoke a whole pack at once you pussy!!!!!

Day 2 I am not having conversations with myself!!!! Oh Boy!!!!!