F- Polite society..(farting)

[bsfins]

I'm sorry if this offends you,or you think it's gross..I'm sorry...

This morning  after waiting  (probably) ten minutes in line trying to get through security at the court house, right as the security officer waved me through, my stomach growled. He chuckled as he made a comment about” Missed breakfast huh? “   I smiled politely “Yeah, have a great day! “ Knowing it wasn’t my stomach, it came from a place far worse…I had to Fart….I don’t have time to meander outside, let it rip, then wait to go back to security…It’s a Monday morning, the courthouse is packed, I have a feeling this isn’t going to be a silent assassin, nice little air biscuit ,this a ripper…an epiphany, I’ll take the stairs, let that bad boy fly in the stair well, it can echo up and down all day….I start to head towards the stairs,there’s 10 people all taking the stairs now…that blows that Idea, there’s no way I can make it up to the 3rd floor and hold it, going up the stairs…A break the elevator opens right next to me, I waltz right in, only 3 people get on with me…on the ride up, I think I’ll hit the conference room in the prosecutors office, I’m always alone in there. another stomach growl, the lady next to me knows! , that wasn’t his stomach. The man riding up with me, ”forgot to eat breakfast?” I smiled coyly as I nodded…yes.. Finally make it to the third floor, I can feel my lower extremities ready to explode…I see the attractive front desk girl in the prosecutors office…I bellowed out, ”Good Morning! Melanie! Mind if I use the conference room, to check my email?” She smiles sure B, there are a few people in there watching the T.V…DRATS! I’m foiled again I’m thinking….I replied,” I’ll just be a minute….”  I walk right through the conference room, straight to the public restroom, where I do a quick head count…Damn,8 guys in the restroom in the courthouse at 9:15 am, well I’ll head to a stall…I lock the door and let’er rip….I hear shrills, moaning, and shrieking coming from outside the stall…Damn dude!, make sure it all goes in the toilet!, God, could you have warned us? And the comments just went on….

So F-it, the next time I wont do the polite thing, I did the polite thing, and listened to all those guy’s ..Next time, I’m going to stand in the middle of the busy hallway ..and let’er fly…

I hope all of you are having a better Monday than I am....Have a wonderful day...(I hope my embarresment,atleast put a smile on your face....)

[YoFuggedaboutit]

Never hold your farts in.  They travel straight to your brain, and that's where shitty ideas come from. 

[Sunstroke]

Oh man, B...I'm in tears here, which either means that was some seriously funny shit, or the fart you cut loose caught the jet stream all the way down to S FL.

I've fired up a couple of embarrassing farts with people around... I ripped one the other day when I thought no one was around, and two ladies walked around the corner right as I let fly a 3 second blast that sounded like a retarded child with a tuba was living in my shorts. I gave them the obligatory "'scuse me!" and they were laughing as they walked down the sidewalk.

[Dave Gray]

That's great, B! 

[cyan]

Hahaha!

Be glad you had people on the elevator with you, otherwise you might have been tempted to let it go off in there, and THAT is a bad idea.

I did that ONCE. It seems safe...you're there alone, no one can hear you...but you forget you are contained in a [nearly] airtight metal box that will almost definitely be taking on additional passengers in a matter of seconds. When it does, it ceases to be an elevator, and becomes a gas chamber.

If that happens...you have absolutely no excuse. And the worst part is, by the time the person who got on with you realizes it, they are TRAPPED. No one will ever hate you more in your life than that person.

[stinkfish]

You just made my day. Thanks B! You DA man!

[Brian Fein]

Wow, B hilarious story.

In the men's room, anything goes.  If you can't blow ass in the bathroom, where can you?

[Gabriel]

Wow, B hilarious story.

In the men's room, anything goes.  If you can't blow ass in the bathroom, where can you?

Brian's right. F those sissy little girls that gave you a hard time. Next time you get the urge, wait until you're in the court room.

[Denver_Bronco]

Greatest thread ever........

Air biscuit....LMFAO!

[bsfins]

Cyan brings up and excellent poitn,that I never thought of...

I'm happy to see my farting nightmare,brought people some pleasure....

[YoFuggedaboutit]

Greatest thread ever........

Air biscuit....LMFAO!

I've heard that term used before...... on the movie Weird Science.  Which reminds me.  I've seen your pic, D_B, and you'd look like Gary in that movie if you removed your glasses.

[CF DolFan]

I always get nailed in the grocery or department store. I think I'm alone and it never fails,  someone walks up behind me. 

FYI if you ever really want to stink someone out ... drink casein protein.   It's much slower digesting than whey and others so it kills a digestive system!!  That stuff can clear an office.

[janetmschulte]

B, my dad always says better out than in! At least you did the honorable thing and hit the men's room, don't let the comments get to you, they were all in that position before and they'll be there again one day! Hope you day is getting better.

[Phishfan]

I'm usually too scared to fart without going into a stall.

[Dave Gray]

Try cropdusting a crowd.  That way, nobody knows it's you and you still get to enjoy the twisted faces of others.